it is friday night - the 13th....the last time i saw diana was saturday the 7th...tomorrow will be one week...

this is more of a way to remind myself later, my brain clouds sometimes and i cannot hold on to things..

i feel like i am micromanaging my girlfriend by writing down all they ways she gets on my tits.....

i could write down all the ways she makes me smile..but no, i'm not gonna do that right now...

so now i suppose i play the waiting game....how long does a woman who says she loves you go without calling you?.......how often do you have to pull stupid game tricks like not returning her texts to teach her a stupid ass lesson about paying more attention to her?

i am not going to apologize for the following.......nor blame it on the fact that i am a man....

you want to fuck your girlfriend....you hope she wants to fuck you...you do not mind initiating sex but when you do it all the time you feel like she isn't into it...and she tells you in no uncertain terms that she hates it when you initiate sex...well...

i want spontaneous sex, dirty filthy sex.....i will take it as often as i can....i do not expect it at all....i would like it to happen certainly more than never...

ok, so you can't or more likely won't give your boyfriend the child or children you once said you wanted to....and you don't make the effort to make him feel adored......ok then at least, at fucking least...fuck your man.....that just might make him stay..if that is what you want.....sad to hear it said this way but this is blunt....

right now i am disdainful, disillusioned, dissatisfied  and unfucked.....

and you are distant, non responsive and neglectful...

what a retarded place i am in