so days pass and also other things......sometimes...

it seems as though my entire journal is almost nothing but girl trouble, because i felt as though my life was nothing but her.....and no...that really has not changed much but it should.

we got back together, she came around quite quickly full of regret and attention...and i caved....and well...things are relatively the same......
 
she bought a condo and has lived there with the kids for three weeks now...she told me in the beginning that she wanted a few days there without me to get used to the place and that was perfectly fine..but it has been three weeks and she has yet to ask me to spend the night...which of course is her prerogative...

but also the same old things are happening again, her affection for me and attention to me is waning, there is no tenderness when we are alone....which does not happen all that often either. on three, wait..make that four now...4 separate occasions we were alone at her place with time on our hands and she made an excuse not to have sex. since we hardly ever have time alone i would think this would be something she would take advantage of. but no.

on a thursday a few weeks ago she made some time for me, this of course was after i had let her know how long it had been and we had another discussion of ours. we sat on the couch and made small talk and eventually she made a move....we did this and we did that and i noticed she was bleeding from her junk and so we stopped and did what we could...she went home....a few days later she told me it probably happened when we were making chicka bow and i popped out...i have this large piercing and she says it probably caught on her inside..and she told me matter of factly.."it feels like it did when i had tristian (her first born) and then the doctor told me no sex for 6 weeks so sorry baby".....i reminded her that there were other ways..and she said "i guess so"....and then...nothing.....no attentions....no little sweet  things texted to me...several weeks passed and my hints really fell on deaf ears until i sent an upset text and she got upset and we had another "discussion..."..and two days after she took off work, came over...we sat around..made small talk and she said something to the effect of well..i guess i better get going pleasuring you because i am hungry and want to go to eat......and she went down on me...but before she did she told me she had to wear a dress in a few days so no bruises or bite marks, and i really could not touch her hair bc it was made up...she was putting all of these rules on me..and it felt lame.....make me wait for a long time for any physical affection...and then act like you are doing it under duress and then make all of these stipulations that i really had no intentions in doing....i wasn't planning on biting her....making marks......

the head was decent but not enthusiastic, it wasn't working so i asked her to take her top off and she said no, i told her it would help me come...so she did......and i masturbated while she touched her breasts...i kept having to direct her...she would stop.....i finished on myself...it seemed less sexy than it should have been...so many rules, so many boundaries...

and now...more boundaries....no sex for x amount of time.....no overnight stays until she pulls her head out of her ass and asks me....and those are the things that have been declared.....what about all of these things i have mentioned to her before....her lack of attention to me....lack of gentle caresses....sweet words even though she cannot be with me.....?

a conclusion we came to in one of our goddamed discussions was that she is a very busy woman, i suggested ways in which she may change things around and she is very hesitant.

i feel as though to her she lets me bitch and wine until i am super frustrated and getting on her nerves then she gives me the minimum of attention just to shut me up....and then the cycle repeats...and nauseum...