so do i be one of those guys who complains about his relationship and keeps saying the day is coming soon when i break up with her....and never do......he actually gets laid after a month and a half or two and changes his mind because..after all.....she does care enough to be intimate....or..is it that she just wants me to shut the fuck up and the best way she knows how is to put her vagina in my mouth.....
ok let's do the pros and cons here....
pros:
i have known her for about 26 years....we have had a long friendship
she was kind to me in the beginning, tender and desirous of me
she has a good head for practical life things, having been married once
she cares deeply for her kids, seems to have an inexhaustible well of patience, kindness and love for them
she has a headstrong drive and great work ethic
she reads books and is an intelligent woman
she is very pretty
she has a great body and is a wonderful fuck
cons:
i have known her for about 26 years....we have had a long friendship - and i think we may have fucked that up by making it more than just that, we fell quickly into sex...
she was kind to me in the beginning, tender and desirous of me - but she hasn't been that way for about a year now
she has a good head for practical life things, having been married once - she has a low tolerance for things that are not clean and orderly - i am not clean and orderly - she wants to get engaged and wants to know why i am taking so long - she will not move in with me if she is not engaged.....
she cares deeply for her kids, seems to have an inexhaustible well of patience, kindness and love for them - this is admirable to me, however - i also feel a deep pull and need to have a kid...and in the beginning she and i talked about it and she said it was doable...talked to her gyno....in vitro whatever...then as time went by and things went stale she went from maybe to maybe not then probably not then definitely not...and i find this very unfair and hurtful. another thing is that she refuses to ask her ex for child support and a few times she has actually cried in my arms over how bad her money situation was...and she gets angry at me for bringing it up and refuses to discuss it...and she seems sometimes to be careless with my feelings towards them....how i want to be a part of their life.....example - on father's day not acknowledging one bit my role in their life.....but making the effort for them to talk to their father who had not seen them in over three years and now only sees them maybe once or twice a year........she cares for her children at the exclusion of her boyfriend and sometimes of her own health and well being.....there seems to be no balance....1. her kids 2. her parents 3. herself 4. her work 5. maybe me
she has a headstrong drive and great work ethic - i admire this but again it is to the exclusion of me....in the beginning she would take part of the day off to come over and fuck me....go to eat..take a nap with me etc....she would take more time off so we could travel, etc....i honestly cannot remember the last time she did this.....now..when she has every other friday off she uses that day to fix her car...run errands..etc....whereas in the beginning she spent just about every friday morning with me....we made it happen...several times a week.....and then about a year or so ago the relationship fell into this thing where we would hang out thursday nights after she had the kids in bed...and just maybe on the weekends. and then a year ago it fell further apart....we would see one another maybe three times a month...we would fuck maybe once every month...a few times it went to 2 months...then a few months ago three weeks went bye when we did not see one another at all..and when i say all of this i say it knowing that it is NOT me that is putting these parameters on the relationship...i am very available and open to her...and she does have her time..she just no longer cares to spend it with me...she furthers herself from me.....and then it builds up...and then she will come over and sit there....and any suggestions of intimacy i suggest are squashed....and my resentment builds up...about 3 months ago i simply stopped complaining...stopped bringing up that i was sad, stressed and angry about us.......i did it and waited for her to bring things up..and waited..and waited....and sat there many times in restaurants with her, tearing up because she just HAD to know i was sad and would not do anything to help me.....she would sit there mute...just staring or falling asleep..she fell asleep often when she came to visit or i would visit her at her house...and yes i know she is a busy woman...but fucking hell....find some iota of time for your man.....text him to tell him you miss his hands...text him and tell him you want to fall asleep with him...call him and whisper sweet nothings instead of talking nonstop about your children and your frustrations...believe me...i am very attentive to your issues..but after not seeing me for 3 weeks and the first thing out of your mouth is how frustrating things with your kids are....and not asking how i was the whole day?...........man that hurt....and i know she is not stupid....i know she knows how to be attentive....so she is actively choosing to be his way with me.
she reads books and is an intelligent woman - she likes fantasy and scifi - nuff said
she is very pretty- no problems here
she has a great body and is a wonderful fuck - when she actually takes the time to be intimate with me. i know everything has a honeymoon period.....but wow...we have been dating for two years and 5 months now...i think the first year was wine and roses...but wow...for a year and a half it was been piss and vinegar.....for about 14 months now the sex has become noticeably less....it went from 3 times a week to once a week to once every two or three weeks to less than once a month...to every two months....and i would bring it up in the beginning and the reasons would be...she's tired..she's busy with the kids..the kids' therapists....her parents....etc...when the fact is that yes..she does all of those things but she used to make it happen....the therapists are the only new thing in her life....and there have been many times we could have made it happen....but she takes no initiation...she doesn't take those opportunities...i have to be the one to ask...and do you know how embarrassing and emasculating it is to have to act like a fawning idiot in order to get laid....to have to ALWAYS be the one to initiate sex?....it is a HORRIBLE feeling...and she even told me once that she HATES HATES HATES it when i initiate sex..so i fucking stopped trying.....and then she never tried past that point......FUCK!...she would when SHE was horny..which to her is maybe once every 40 days....and i am there like a grateful dog....taking any morsel she would give me...and the post coital glow lasted less and less the more i realized that months would pass by when i got any more intimacy...
No comments:
Post a Comment