not really how i wanted the new year to start / not a bad new year though...

wasn't expecting to have the night off but i did..and i was prepared to spend it at home..watching reruns of the office.....petting the dogs, cats......and that would have been ok.....however...i was playing words with friends while drinking a just outstanding ipa and taking a just outstanding shit and gus called....that is a story for another time but..we had a falling out...and i missed him though...but the phone hung up because the game was on or something..then andy called me and i answered..he invited me over for steak and beeer and good times.......wow what a long night...great beers, great company....woke up in the morning and kept on drinking....rob came over..and i knew i had made plans to go to indian food with the woman.....and she texted me to ask me when..i told her i was there for a bit more then would come over..i drank more because honestly..i did not know how to feel and i did not want to break up with her over dinner....i was sad...driving to her place.....when i got there i chatted with her kids/family for a while....i actually caught her in the bathroom washing her hands..i went in and closed the door, she looked at me and said "i am soooo not in the mood"...i left......her and i took the kids to my mom's house..dropped them off then went to the indian joint....we were disant...no one else was there....the food was waaaaaay too rich....

and.....while the entree arrived i could not look her in the face and i started crying....then i started weeping..then i excused myself to the bathroom and i started bawling..my hands at my face leaning against the wall..holding my stomach...eventually went back to the table and ate..from time to time she would look at me...and turn away when i looked..i started crying again... ..she said.....nothing at all.....

nothing at all........as i watched our relationship slip further and further away....we rode in silence back to my house....as we got there i motioned to her for us to go nap a bit in my room and she shook her head no.......and then i walked her and the kids out.....they drove away..i went to bed..woke up 2 hours later to go to work....slept right through until this morning......

she just sat there the whole time saying nothing.........this speaks volumes...