one month no lexapro

to document,

i am still unemployed, up until yesterday i drank everyday, sometimes days and mostly evenings through the morning. i ran out of my lexapro a few days ago and i find myself worrying again. it is stupid to stop the meds cold turkey but i cannot afford them again.....i want to stop drinking because i believe that the sads that will inevitably come from stopping my meds will be intensified by the drinking and the last time i did this it was not good. the doctor wants me to come in before she reups my meds....and this will cost around $100 since i do not have a job i do not have insurance. i nap all day still and drink all night. i drink my feelings and giveashitaway and am in no way happy or proud of this. i don't feel lonely much anymore because i don't feel much anymore. i just went to thee grocery store and listened to some music an watched some teevee and i feel a bit better...oh..had a cup of coffee at 10pm......

friday march 20 2015 i had my last drink
thursday march 19 2015 i had my last lexapro

thursday march 26 is the kweli concert w josh
thursday april 9th is kimya at the smell
friday april 10th is tristian's bday
sat april 11 mos def oobservatory....? 30bux.....
tuesday april 14 unk's bday dinner...
wednesday april 15th is the squarepusher show
thursday the 16th is the swans show
friday th 17th is the amt show in la /
saturday the 18th is laura's bday
saturday the 18th is beer at the head
sunday the 19th is my birthday
monday the 20th is maybe beer at deli w laura
wednesday the 22nd is linda's bday
wed the 22 is also red river
thurs the 23 hang w mg
sat 25 malkowski / josh
sunday 26th - gold rush
monday the 27th is keith's bday
april 28th jen's bday
april 29 lawrence of arabia
saturday may 9th is holly's bday
sat may 9th kathie bday pm
sunday may 10th is mother's day
 friday may 15 is lauren and jason wedding be there at 5:30
tues may 19th is ryan's bday

if i keep myself busy and awake i will not be sad.....right?...we will see....

IT IS 10:27 AM and i did not sleep last night....was too awake...i worried about things and masturbated twice.....i stared at the darkness doing nothing...i pet the dog who wandered in to nap on my lap from time to time.....and now i can feel my body feeling tired, yawning...