ugh.......leaving lexapro..day whatever the fuck.....

thursday march 19th is when i had my last 20 mg lexapro. sixteen days. cold turkey. i started taking the lexapro in 2002 at age 31. so it has been about 13 years.

 i only tried to stop once a year ago i think...and it was not good...bad dreams, light headedness, imbalance, etc...not sure how long it lasted....maybe 2 weeks?..then and now i stopped because i ran out of meds and the doctor wanted me to come in before she reupped me and i did not have the $100 or so for an office visit.

i have been unemployed for almost 4 years, ran out of unemployment funds about 2 years ago. the last time i tried to quit my ex dumped me in the garage of the dr's office on the phone. so that was a short lived secession.

i go through odd bouts of drinking...from every day to just the weekends to a monthlong break...etc...mostly beer and sometimes bourbon...i tell myself i drink to get rid of the symptoms of living day to day while on lexapro.....then i tell myself i am not giving the meds their proper due..and i try weeks with no drinking...and then eventually return. i have a shitty relationship with alcohol.

i read recently that neuralgia is a symptom of lexapro withdrawal....and i have had these tingle burning feelings in my feet for years now...of course it could also be because i am fat and eat incorrectly. so here i am trying my best to do things to make me happy to keep my head up..listening to music helps a lot. petting the kitties and doggies does too. reading and writing also..but only when i have a clear head...which has not happened in quite a while...

so the last few weeks....listless drifting, light headedness to the point of almost falling down....real shitty realistic dream...sleeping a lot....more than usual. i go to bed usually around 4am and wake up around 3pm. an hour later i nap until around 7pm.....then it begins again...

what i have been reading about going cold turkey off lexapro is scary. the longer you have been taking it the longer it will take to wean and also the harder the symptoms. the higher the mg also the worse the symptoms......a rule of thumb i found was for every year you have taken it it will take 3 months to wean off

so given the length of my lexapro indulgence it will take 3 years and and 75 days of withdrawal. oh no. or i could pull money out of the sky or out of my ass and try to go back on it and be some fucked up minds zombie slave to the meds my entire life.

this is also the worse time to go off of it..unemployed, overweight, not getting laid (real shitty self esteem), alcoholism, penniless.....trying to kick it scares the shit out of me.......and will for 3 goddamned years plus.